What to do when you’re drowning

One of the most common problems that I come across when I’m coaching is people are drowning in information, in responsibility, and caught between what they think they should be doing and what they think other people want them to do. The self-doubt about their own ideas, the whole shebang. So, when you’re drowning, it is really easy to get distracted and do a lot of things like shut down.

So, the first thing to understand about drowning is how you respond to it, and then work through things with self-compassion until you can move again.

Here are some of the ways you can help yourself when you are drowning.

How you respond to overwhelm

We are all ingrained with survival mechanisms, and that usually comes in the shape of fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and flop.

• Fight might mean that you try to push on through and argue your way through it. You might get defensive if that’s the negative side of things, but you’re really trying to push the envelope in a very strong way.
• Flight might mean avoidance. It might mean moving away from things that you want to do. It may mean that you want to leave freelancing even though you don’t want to leave freelancing.
• Freeze may mean that you basically stop work, can’t do much, and that’s where it ends. The hours seem to tick by without you making any progress, which leads you to feel worse and worse.
• Fawn brings in a people-pleasing mechanism where you might try and do what everyone else thinks is popular, follow everybody else’s lead, follow everyone else’s plan rather than develop your own.
• Flop is another one where you just sort of flop around and hope that things go away. You do a little scratch of this and a little scratch of that and not much of anything really.

Working out where you fall into these categories, or if you have a combination, can be helpful. You can notice things like: “Okay, I’m getting defensive, so I’m going on the attack. I need to take a breath and work out what’s going on,” or “I’m freezing here, how do I nurture myself?”

Supporting yourself through overwhelm

Once you’ve worked out how you respond, the next step is to support yourself through those moments.

A lot of this can be helped by self-compassion. Encourage yourself with an inner voice that brings out your playfulness, curiosity, brightness, and experimentation rather than shutting things down.

For example, talk to yourself like you’re a three-year-old trying to learn with a fun, supportive inner voice.

Or setting limits on your expectations for the work at hand.

For example, telling yourself you’ll work on something for an hour and if it still feels emotionally draining or provides too much stress, switching to something else.

Another approach might be to create a space where you feel protected, safe, and able to fail. This could mean using play, curiosity, or even abandoning a project at the point that causes angst and finding another way in.

For example, if the beginning is difficult, so try reverse-engineering it from the end, or start learning by doing instead of researching first.

Or if writing is giving you a hard time, recording your thoughts and then shaping the resulting transcript into a blog instead.

Understanding the root of your resistance

Once you work out how to be kinder to yourself, it’s important to understand the deeper reasons behind your reactions.

A couple of questions that can help with that:

• Check your reasoning: Am I resisting this because it doesn’t feel right for me? What is my motivation for completing this task?
• Check the task’s value: Is this for me and my clients? Do I see the value in this task or am I doing this task because I think that’s what I’m meant to do?
• Check your connection: Am I pushing myself to do things that I’ve already done and am bored with? Why? Where is my procrastination or hesitance coming from?
• Check the outcomes: Am I afraid of what will happen after I complete this work? If so, why? What is the evidence my fears won’t be realised?

Setting boundaries to prevent burnout

In freelancing, we could work on our business all the time—24/7 if we wanted. The to-do list will never end. There will always be more to do.

What ends is our capacity to complete it. What helps keep us engaged and moving forward is setting boundaries and limits to avoid burning out.

Digital worlds are great. But we benefit from disconnecting from them and regaining perspective on occasion.

One trick that I’ve found for myself is when I’m having these moments, I take that to-do list away from the computer, away from the software, and I find a seat at the lake or the beach and work on it with paper and pen. Or I take it to the kitchen table.

Then I reflect on the work I’ve got to do in a meaningful way:

• Is this activity going to change things?
• What do I need to do to earn money?
• What have I committed to in terms of my own planning?
• What are my commitments to others?

Focus on what matters

Once you’ve got your to-do list out of your head and away from digital distractions, it’s time to think about what’s truly going to move the needle for your business. Ask yourself:

• What am I working on that isn’t helping my business grow?
• What commitments have I made to others that don’t serve my goals?

• Which of these activities are nice to have, optional, and lower in priority?

We often get caught up in thinking we need to be on every platform, create lead magnets, collaborate with everyone, and have a podcast. But a lot of that doesn’t really change what we’re doing.

Another way to look at it is to look at your bigger goals and see where these tasks fit.

For example, imagine if your goal is to move to the not-for-profit sector.

You might ask yourself questions like:

• How do I showcase my value to people in NFP in language they understand?
• What side projects or campaigns can I create that will attract them to me?
• What tone of voice does my social media need to adopt?
• What are the topics that crossover from what I do now to where I want to be?
• How do I talk about them effectively?
• Do the kinds of clients I want need to hear from me every day?

And that might come from questions like:

• How can I demonstrate my understanding of my ideal customer?
• What self-directed projects can I do and/or marketing content can I create that let’s my ideal customer see my value?
• How do I make my current work relatable, approachable, and attractive?
• What skills and qualities can I discuss and show to prove my worth?
• What are the topics, mediums, and ideas that interest the audience and I?
• What sort of frequency do I need to adopt to talk to this audience effectively?

Supporting yourself through stress

When things get tough, it’s important to support yourself. I’ve found that when I’m stressed, I need to think about whether I should work, and if so, what on.

If I’m having a hard day, I switch to audio. I record things, use transcripts, and then turn those into blogs, instead of writing by hand or typing. I know my body’s limitations and use what works for me.

On days where my mental health is challenging, working in front of the TV in front of a familiar show helps lower my anxiety. I also find talking to my creative friends or my pod really helps me.

I also triage and make sure I only do what is necessary.

Interestingly, I know that if I don’t feel well or if I am anxious or stressed, I will often choose the most punishing tasks and wrong fits in these moments. So, I have developed a set of questions to stop myself from making the stress worse.

• What tasks do I find especially difficult when I am stressed?
• What tasks have a neutral impact on my mood or even boost it?
• Can I change out some of the stressful tasks for more supportive ones for the time being?
• What is critical to today’s mission and what can be left until tomorrow?
• Am I adding to my stress with the current choices I am making?
• What places and activities do I find comforting?
• What environments help lower my stress and make me feel better supported?
• Am I taking advantages of positive spaces to boost my mood now?
• Who inspires me to do hard things? Can I reach out to them?

Your questions might be a little different. But the bones behind them are:

• Am I helping or hurting myself?
• Am I supporting myself or adding to the negative sensations?
• What is more important – getting stuff done or my wellbeing?
• Are the choices I am making today going to help or hinder me tomorrow?
• Am I connected and supported, or am I isolated, alone, and self-sabotaging?

Examine your future

Think about who you are now and who you want to become. What does your future career look like? We all need new challenges and fun things to look forward to. And if your work has become a never-ending series of punishing activities with little or no emotional, intellectual, social, and psychological reward, no amount of money can make up for that.

Do a temperature test:

• What percentage of the week am I happy to be at my desk?
• What are the biggest challenges I face right now? Are they negative or positive?
• When was the last time I relished the work in front of me?
• Am I inspired to learn, grow, and take part in my marketing?
• How do I feel about the work I am doing? Do I feel productive?
• Does the work give me meaning and purpose?
• What goal or vision am I working towards? Or am I simply working? Is that enough?

Freelancing can get frustrating if it no longer challenges you, so consider:

• In six months’, time, after mastering this, what other work do I want?
• What’s my next move? A new product, service, or course? A change in direction?
• What new things would I like to be learning?

Addressing your blockages

If you’re drowning, start by identifying your blockages.

• Are they emotional, like self-doubt?
• Where do the blockages arise?
• Where do the blockages come from?
• How do you respond to these blockages?
• What action do you take when you come across them?

We often have to break things down into smaller steps to make things manageable. And that might mean planning out a change over time.

• Are you giving yourself time to chip away at blockages, or are you expecting instant outcomes?
• Are you setting aside time for change or are you avoiding it?

Think about the dependencies in your life—what things are lined up and waiting for you to get moving? Consider:

• Is your family giving you the time you need to focus?
• Do you have savings or financial resources to support your next steps?
• Do you need to learn new skills or buy tools?
• Are you planning changes that you can manage now and scale later?

Mapping out your dependencies and knowing where you’re getting stuck can help you make more informed decisions about how to move forward.

Reflection and journaling

Finally, take some time to reflect.

Daily or weekly reflective practice might look like:

• Writing down the three challenges you faced

This simple exercise shows that the problems we face shift and move away as we work through them.

• Writing down three things you did well

This exercise reminds you that you are making progress.

And practice gratitude.

• Write down three things you are grateful for

Gratitude helps you not take things for granted. It buys you the space to gain perspective.

Need more ways to reflect? Consider some activities and questions like:

• What are your Wishes, Outcomes, Obstacles, and Plans for the next 3 months?
• Why does obtaining this three-month goal matter to you?
• Does this work serve your larger goals?
• What kind of person would you like to be?
• How does this choice or activity get your closer to the person you want to be?

Still stuck?

There is a limitation to how much help a business coach or a blog can give. Never ever be afraid of asking for extra help from your GP, a counsellor, or a psychologist. You can also find support in the following places:

Immediate Support (24/7)

• Lifeline – 13 11 14 (www.lifeline.org.au)
• Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636 (www.beyondblue.org.au)
• Suicide Call Back Service – 1300 659 467 (www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au)
• Kids Helpline (for people aged 5–25) – 1800 55 1800 (www.kidshelpline.com.au)
• MensLine Australia – 1300 78 99 78 (www.mensline.org.au)
• 13YARN (First Nations support) – 13 92 76 (www.13yarn.org.au)

Additional Support Services

• QLife (LGBTQIA+ support) – 1800 184 527 (www.qlife.org.au)
• Headspace (young people 12–25) – 1800 650 890 (www.headspace.org.au)
• Blue Knot Foundation (childhood trauma support) – 1300 657 380 (www.blueknot.org.au)
• SANE Australia (complex mental health) – 1800 187 263 (www.sane.org)

Crisis Support for Domestic Violence & Other Issues

• 1800RESPECT (domestic & family violence) – 1800 737 732 (www.1800respect.org.au)

You are your best business asset. Never forget that.

Want more self-care? Check the blog. Need more coaching advice? Come find me!