Tragic scenes greeted authorities today after a meeting saw one freelancer and one company worker dead and another five injured. A simple project review meeting descended into chaos after a seagull manager invited themselves along and began randomly attacking.
Absent from the project to this point, the seagull manager dropped truth bombs about the work, work quality, and project participants at an alarming rate.
“You’d have thought she’d be happy with the progress. The attack just seemed to come from nowhere. She rained sh*t everywhere,” explained the project’s manager.
“Nothing we built could stand the force of her criticism. It’s been a horrendous learning curve, let me tell you,” agreed another in the project management team.
Questions have been asked about what led to the tragedy. Many say that both the project and the team had extensive experience with this seagull manager’s tirades and had even taken extra precautions. Sources that wish to remain anonymous believe that not having the project centre on the seagull manager’s giant ego and her subsequent late inclusion in the development process were likely contributing factors.
The project has been sent back to the drawing board while the organisation regroups.
A funeral for the unlucky freelancer and the worker will be held at St Jude Thaddeus’ church, Freelance Valley, as soon as the seagull manager calms the hell down and approves it.
Need more freelance satire in your life? Check out more breaking news via the Freelance Times now.
Wondering what the heck you have just read? Check out this explanation.
The problem with seagull managers
Ever worked on a project where no matter what you did or how hard you worked, that pesky seagull manager kept flying over to sh*t all over things? Then this is the merch for you! Based on the Freelance Times article of the same name, this merch is the gift for anyone who has ever lived to tell the tale of the worst of the worst in micromanaging mangers, the seagull.