Authorities have charged a branding freelancer with disturbing the peace, grievous bodily harm, and causing affray. In a related incident – and at the insistence of the branding freelancer – police also arrested a passerby for defacing a public monument with an inky weapon. The fracas began when the passerby mistook the branding freelancer’s face for a logo and drew on it with marker pen.
Ms Sparkayla Brightbottom was celebrating her latest business victory at an upscale Poddlington Pub when the incident occurred.
“I was standing against an Instagram wall, waiting for people to notice me, when this bogan started drawing on my face with texta!” explained Sparkayla Brightbottom, “Unfortunately, I had botoxed and fillered my face to maximise duckface. I couldn’t move out of his way in time!”
Witnesses said that Ms Brightbottom let out a blood-curdling scream before throwing her drink at the man and repeatedly beating him with her retractable selfie stick and over-priced, impractical handbag.
Onlookers rushed to both party’s aid, leading to an all-in-brawl in the popular nightspot.
“In my defence, how would I know that pumped up dragon wasn’t a piece of corflute?!” shouted the passerby as police removed him.
“She doesn’t even blink!”
Ms Brightbottom shared her ordeal on Instagram Reels later the same day. While discussing the emotional distress associated with the incident, she also announced the release of a tell-all blog series alongside a new 12-step coaching program on standing out from the crowd.
“Talks with streaming giant Heckflix are in early stages but promising, and I look forward to reclaiming the Poddington Pub as my own at the coaching program’s launch party. For now, I need to focus on my recovery. I’d like to thank all my followers for their heartfelt emojis at this difficult time,” Ms Brightbottom gushed.
Poddington Pub has declined to comment further beyond denying knowledge of the future launch party.
The two will face Freelance Valley court in July.
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